Apparently that was not my last blog post, teehee

I am afraid. I’m scared that if I continue writing chapter three of my current manuscript, I’m going to fuck it all up. You must understand that 15 years is a long time to write every day not feeling like you’ve found your niche. And I have restarted this manuscript for months now. That’s every day restarting after writing about two chapters. Countless versions of this novel have begun and ended because I was not happy with the character I was creating and the style I was using. But I managed to completely write a prologue that I am 100% happy with, and from there I started deleting chapter 1 because it wasn’t flowing right from the prologue. Until yesterday when I completed chapter 1 to my liking. It’s as simple as that. I finally have a prologue and a first chapter, basically after 15 years of writing and deleting every day. Well, in between books I actually did finish.

So now that I’m on chapter two I really don’t want to screw this up. I don’t want to end up deleting again and again. I can’t keep going through this process month after month. It’s no fun and I’ll just end up going back to fast comedy writing that doesn’t allow me to delve deep into the dark and emotional kind of story that I want to create with my fantasy novel.

The type of writing I’m doing now is flowing so right. I’m not just blitzing out contemporary words like I used to, I am immersed in an ancient realm and it’s finally forming naturally, smoothly, and I’m blown away. But in order to perfect every chapter I don’t want to keep deleting until I write the perfect scene. That is going to frustrate me no end. But as I wrote chapter one this time it flowed so perfectly from beginning to middle to cliffhanger, and I do actually have it set up to where I can start writing chapter two knowing I want to carry on from where I left off. I can feel that what is coming is already fully part of this story. 

I have never felt this way when entering into a new chapter. I’ve always been sort of frustrated, wondering where it’s gonna go. But I don’t really have to wonder because whatever happens in my story feels like it is already flowing from the chapter before. And that makes me feel like I finally know what I’m doing.

I suppose I shouldn’t just chalk fifteen years up to frustration. I had my wins with the manuscripts I produced for fun, but now I am ready for knuckling down and those fifteen years helped develop my writing over such a long time.

Now it’s time for me to stop procrastinating writing by doing a perfect days’ laundry. Gotta get to the manuscript immersion, and that means no other screen time. So this should be my absolute last blog post until I’m done with my manuscript. When the writing is flowing not much else matters. I will just write and write until the end. I won’t watch any shows or movies. I’ll forget to eat. The only things I’ll do other than write is take care and spend time with me and mine. Ok then, bye for now!